Shane Warne: A Human Meat Pie on the Constant Hunt for Lady Sauce

18 Jan

So Liz Hurley and Shane Warne, aka crickets answer to Tiger Woods recently got engaged…Does the woman not know how to use Google?

That’s right Liz, you should be embarrassed

 Has she been living in an underground bunker for the last 20 years, only coming out to do media appearances, screw millionaires’ and tweet about the important part anorexia plays in her diet? Because if not, what the fuck is she doing?

Who in their right mind agrees to marry someone who usually has the words “serial love rat” prefacing his name in print? At best this guy is extremely embarrassing and at worse he’s a toxic nightmare. It’s not even news anymore when he cheats. The media outlets just heave a collective sigh, roll their eyes and say “again?”

Is Liz Hurley deluded enough in her hall of mirrors to think Shane Warne’s love of hooking up behind his significant others back with sloppy tarts is ancient history?

Is she under the impression that great tits can change the time space continuum?

Does she seriously think his days of embarrassing text messages and slamming skank snatch are a thing of the past for him – like his natural face and eating carbs?

Or maybe Millionaire douchebags are her thing? Her boyfriend of several years, millionaire Hugh Grant cheated on her with at least one streetwalker. Steve Bing, her son Damien’s millionaire father did a Billie Jean and publicly declared “the kid is not my son”  until DNA tests proved otherwise. Her ex husband, millionaire Arun Nayar cheated on his ex wife with Liz and she cheated on him with our Shane.

Maybe there’s hope for this union after all? Or maybe it doesn’t matter as long as he’s a millionaire? Perhaps regular, non-millionaire cock has more calories? Does she think if she can tame him there will be some kind of reward? A certificate or trophy to say she is the most beautiful and charming woman in the world that even a seasoned douchebag wouldn’t cheat on?

Oh, honey, there’s no prize, no certificate, no changing him and no trophy. All Liz is going to get out of this relationship is embarrassment, a punch in the ego, herpes and a few other STD’s common amongst millionaires’ and sex workers.

– Tara Steven-Seagal.

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